If I tell someone I love them they will die or leave.

Fears:

Watching Mom's health failing. Not being able to manage to stay here on the farm after Mom is gone. Not sure my son and I can manage financially with just the two of us. Don't want to leave my safe place even though those that made it special are gone.

Others will not like me if they know me.

I am not able to have relationships, I always screw it up.

No connection with my siblings once Mom is gone. There bearly is now.