|
<font color="green"> exotic flower,
I think this is a big part of my problem my mother is alive. When I was a toddler, she had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized. My father came home early and caught her kicking me around the kitchen. Without his rescue, I would have died that day. She went through treatment and was judged to be safe. However, my dad was told that she didn’t remember what she had done and if she was told and remembered, she would have another breakdown. So dad and I have protected her ever since. The next few years were more about neglect than abuse. When I was 11, she divorced my dad and the abuse started up again.
I left home at 16 to marry my DH and am still with him. Over the next 20 years my mother reached out and I reached out we have a fairly decent relationship. So my brain is totally confused – fear of the mothers of my childhood and love and compassion for the one I know today.
She taught me well not to be angry and I can rarely feel anger – and usually turn it against myself. I think if I could feel the anger then I would not feel the fear as much. I think to finish the healing I have to feel anger. I am not sure if I am more scared of the memories or of feeling angry.
</font>
__________________
dalila
Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.
-Erma Bombeck
|