I just feel like a big, fat, Pagan hypocrite.

The Wiccan rede is:

An if it harm none, do as you will.

Well it's been made MORE THAN OBVIOUS that I've hurt people's feelings in here, since every darn forum I go into seems to have a thread about it. What happened to keeping private things private? I need hugs and understanding too. It's not doing a damn thing for my self esteem to be constantly reminded of how mean and hateful and un-understanding and wrongfully assuming I am.

I had what turned out to be an awesome date this afternoon, and I almost canceled because of how I was feeling by the recent events going on here, because I felt totally unable to be caring and loving and deserving of it in return. Well I sucked it up and told him that I was battling a depressive funk and didn't want him seeing me like that. He said it was OK and if he had to see me at my worst, so be it. We decided we want to keep seeing each other and aren't into dating tons of other people all at one time. He said to call him, but I emailed instead because he was already an hour late heading home (yeah, that's how good it was. We totally lost track of time) and his son was waiting for him. I wanted to give them some time together since we were just with each other an hour before. No reply yet. I called and the machine picked up. No call back. I'm hoping it's just bad timing on my part. He didn't do the typical male "I'll call you." and we asked each other's intentions and are on the same page there. I'm still a little leary that I'm going to get a "you know, I've been thinking, and I think we'd be better off being friends."

I got home from that date, and 3-1/2 hours later I got a call from the guy that I originally signed back up with Yahoo Personals for. I have five different searches set up, and every time I run one, he's the first one that comes up on the list. We've been playing PM tag for a couple of weeks. We finally exchanged numbers today since the PM thing obviously isn't working. He called me at 12:30 a.m. when he got home from fishing. He asked if I wanted to go out for brunch tomorrow. We talked for half an hour and I had him laughing hysterically. He goes "I SO have to meet you." He's 2 years older than me, a family therapist, a Taoist, and he has a needy, clingy rescue dog too.

So, two dates in less than 24 hours. Life is good at the moment.

Obviously they didn't/don't think I'm mean and hateful and judgemental and spiteful and any of the other things that people who have no clue about me have ASSUMED about me in here.

And my date today goes "Why do you have your body type listed as average?" I said because I am. He said "No, you're not. You're fit or athletic, but not average." I meant it in the medical sense, as in you go to the doctor and they don't tell you that you need to lose or gain weight. By Wisconsin standards, no, I'm far from average, but they don't have a body type of "Wisconsin average" which is more like at least 50 pounds overweight, or "Wisconsin athletic" which means you lift a 12-ounce beer bottle to your lips on a regular basis. Anyway, he said he was more than pleasantly surprised when I said I was average but ended up being his version of fit. The last date he went on she said she had "a few extra pounds" but was 250 and looked 10 years older than her pictures. He even said I was beautiful. It was an awesome date. The sun was shining off the lake, the surf was music to my ears, we were sitting on the dunes watching the dog chase birds and diving into the water. He didn't even mind when she came running up to him, soaking wet, covered in sand, and squeezed in between the two of us.