Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy90
Hi everyone, I've been reading a few posts on here today and noticed how nice everyone seems to be regardless of any problems someone is having.
I have always been known as a happy person, someone who cheers everyone up and makes them feel better when they're down, someone who deals with everyone else's problems to make sure they're happy, but what nobody knows is that inside I feel like crap.
I don't really have any friends because I'm the kind of person who prefers my own company.
The only time I feel genuinely happy is when I'm spending time with my family, or at night when I feel as though I'm the only person in the world and I have nothing to worry about for the whole night.
Words cannot explain exactly how I feel but I really do wish there was a way I could explain it because everything I say just seems to be a load of gobbledygook.
I really do want to tell my doctor exactly how I'm feeling, but I'm too scared. I can't tell my mum because she has a lot of her own problems and I don't want to pile anymore on top of them, I can't tell my partner because I don't know how seriously she will take me, I just don't feel like I can tell anybody.
I came here hoping someone would have some advice that will help me to take my first steps. I want to feel happy, I don't like the fact that I'd be happy to die.
Thank you for reading.
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I relate to much of this. Particularly the "everyone else sees me as the happy/helpful person." I've always been labeled that way by others, but I've been deceptively good at hiding depression/anxiety.
I'm with you about feeling good at night. I always have. I feel more myself, more creative, more free, really. It's peaceful at night, moreso than in the day---it's always been that way.
I hope you can get over your fear of talking to your doc. That's what he's there for---to give feedback to, tell him how the med is making you feel, etc. They're supposed to be there to help us, not make us feel inconsequential.
You said you couldn't put into words how you were feeling. You may feel that way, but to me you've done a great job at articulating what your issues/setbacks are. I commend you for taking that courageous step to reach out.