Ok, sleep is totally an issue with me......I have this problem....when I am in a stressful situation, I can't shut my brain off......or there are other times when I would go to sleep to escape the problem for awhile......now it seems I can't shut the brain off in order to get it to go to bed at a specific time. It's almost like I have to be exhausted before I can get myself to go to bed....just like I have to be starving before I get myself to eat......wish I could just be more normal (whatever that is). Just know that my psychologist & even my body says that how I am functioning isn't normal....it's more like existing.

I do feel so much better when I have a good night's sleep & can get up early in the morning, bet more things done by noon than I can get done in a whole day after not enough or no sleep. I feel so much better, I don't understand why I can't just wrap things up, take care of my doggies & go to bed....even if I have to take the temazapam to sleep, it's better than the not sleeping & the high blood pressure that it was causing.

I tried setting an alarm & I would say ok....shut if off & then ignore that it went off.....just like I do with meal times....if I'm not hungry, I don't eat or if I can't figure out what I want to make to eat, I don't eat either & then sometimes days go by & I realize I haven't had anything to eat since ??????? I have had that happen with my sleep also......think it's only been one night without sleep & then when I think back, it's been a few days.

Think that's one of the things about living alone....there's no one else around to say....hay, I'm hungry, or I'm going to bed cause I'm tired....my schedule is so messed up & my sleep has been so messed up since going through the trauma almost 8 years ago, when it took a huge dose of seroquel to knock me out so the nightmares would go away.....I don't get the nightmares any longer, but I still me in the no sleep mode with the stress & sometimes it's just wanting to get one more thing accomplished before I go to bed.....& then the sun's coming up in the morning.

I never lived on a schedule even when I was working as a firmware engineer. I would work until I got what I wanted to get finished for the day....then I would drive home sometimes around 2am or later.....sleep until I woke up the next morning (without an alarm) get ready for work & start the whole thing all over. Only time I had a schedule was when I had a meeting with the customer I had to present for or I was on a business trip.

I have never functioned on any set schedule or time...have always been a free spirit, but not to the unhealthy extent that it has come to with living alone & not working or having any thing I have to do at a set time.......self-control is not one of my strong points when it come to anything that has to do with time or schedules....I do dead lines well, but I always work at my own pace & do my own thing to get there.

Maybe that's the artsy/craftsy intellectual type that I am.....but I know it's NOT GOOD for my health which was what I found out when my blood pressure was so high. Even though their monitor also had a problem....my blood pressure was still so much higher than it ever has been before. Told my pain specialist that it was due to sleep problems....he said initially that wouldn't effect my blood pressure that much.....but then I tried to explain that it wasn't just problems with not sleeping enough, it was with not sleeping at all.....that was when he prescribed the temazapam. I was also trying some natural sleep aids which also helped, but when this extra stress hit in July, I needed something seriously stronger & started really using the temazapam....it does work, but I still have a hard time getting 8 hr sleep & definitely a difficult time going to bed any time before midnight when I know is the best for a good sleep.

I have to admit, there are times when I do get so exhausted that I can sleep for 24 hours & it feels good....but I hate pushing myself to that exhausted point before feeling able to sleep.

Hmmmmmm, just thought of something.....when I had my laptop (before it died), I did all my computer stuff on my bed, not at my computer desk. When I got tired, I would just lay down in bed & go to sleep & would definitely get a better night's sleep. Now, I'm sitting up at my computer desk in the computer room & it also where I do all my crafts now. I tend to push myself more to get things done than when I could just lay down on my bed & go to sleep. Didn't think about that until writing this.

It still comes down to lack of self-control no matter what however. I hate knowing what I have to do & then NOT doing it. Don't know if I will ever be able to get my life onto any kind of schedule....it just feels so unnatural to me & uncomfortable even though I'm sure I would overall feel better health wise.

Sorry for the long rambling post......just something I have been dealing with & talking alot about with my psychologist lately....sleep & eating.....the 2 evil things that life needs to function.