When I was in my late teens I took myself off my SSRI because it wasn't really working and I thought I "had it licked." For a long time. Looking back I think I had a long semi-hypomanic episode, because I went along for years on nothing, very self-righteous/ "You don't have to use meds, use positive affirmations/metaphysical stuff" etc. I'm very ashamed of how I was then.

When I became medicated again, I noticed a difference though it took awhile. I had a brief stint of being sexually "loose" (I don't say promiscuous because I wasn't involved with many ppl)....I lost the inhibition/fear of pregnancy, STD's, etc. I was NEVER like that before in my life. And yet I didn't mind it one bit. It was dangerous, though luckily I got through it unscathed. The meds helped that. When I let my Paxil lapse three days without getting it refilled, I began having hypomania/irritation so bad I thought I would lose control. Got the Rx filled, and that subsided.

I've talked about the frustration of meds extensively with my P-doc. The way he explained it, "Doctors don't ever FIX anything. Aside from surgeons, we only treat. Even bones mend themselves; docs only set them. Unfortunately this is the best we have right now at treating mental illness. There was a time people thought "bleeding" people and throwing them into asylums was the best way to "treat" them."

Do I enjoy taking meds? Not one damn bit. In fact I resent it. But I know what will happen if I don't take them, and the results are borderline destructive, as well as world-shattering, at least for me. I have to say a lot of what comes into play, I think, is one's biochemical makeup. My brain is treatment-resistant, for example; I've gone through over 20 meds in less than 5 years. Some people find what's going on with them can be alleviated with one med, the first time. And too, there's genes. Chronic anxiety/panic attacks/social phobias run heavily through my dad and his family, and unfortunately I've got that, which is just hard to tackle, meds or not. If my anxiety was better under wraps, I'd be doing better. But (gratefully I say) my P-doc has seen enough slow improvement in the last few months that he's satisfied with the dosages; he's never been a "legal drug-pusher."

I basically second everyone else. For now, this is what I have at a chance at a semi-normal life. I do have a friend who's Bipolar I that in her early 40s was able to get off all her meds (hormone component there perhaps?). So yeah I know there's hope of that. But over half of my life has been mental and emotional chaos and hell; I'm taking what I can get to stay away from that.