Sorry that I didn't read your latest post, perniciousfirefly.

The title of your post confused me actually, so I didn't even bother reading it (until now), figuring that I couldn't help you.

It sounds like you'll be going into inpatient care, since you took a lot of a variety of medications. Most nurse and doctors aren't going to believe that this was an accident, no. The blood tests certainly revealed what your body was fighting, while you were in the hospital.

I do understand not wanting to go in for help, especially when you'd rather self-medicate your misery. I've been there too. However, self-medication only works for so long. And what really sucks (imo) is that we always push those that we honestly do care about away from us when we do it! I also worry that my bf and kids won't be there for me when I do come out of the hospital, which will make me want to die even more than I already want.

It's a tough situation! I can see that what I'm currently doing to help myself is only putting me lower on the self-respect totem pole ~ and I was already the lowest ~ I guess that it goes lower than I had imagined. I don't want to deal with the repercussions of being hospitalized again, but I also don't want to lose the respect that I've finally gained from my daughters. It makes me very hesitant to reach out. It's hard...so, yeah, I can relate to your struggle.

Hopefully, the hospitalization will provide you with more confidence and hope for your future in this world. ((hugs))