Nushi, that was very insightful, thank you!
Don't get me wrong, I do believe in God and as a matter of fact, I was having a conversation with him last night about almost exactly what you posted here!

I don't know, that's why I thought maybe I"m just a narcissist... cause I'm not actually that bad off, if you consider what suffering so many other people have to go through. Maybe I'm just an attention seeker? Although, I wish I was in control of my thoughts in that way, because I don't understand why my mind would "make these thoughts up"...

But, anyway, I do believe. And thank you for reminding me of God's intentions makes things a bit better