I know all too well how hard it is, and you have all my sympathies.

I fought my own diagnosis tooth and nail, and grieved for months over the loss of the person I'd thought I was. It took a lot of support, prayer, medication, and heartbreak for me to understand that I could try to wish away the diagnosis all I liked, but it didn't change the fact that it was true and it was real and I had to deal with it.

This acceptance will come in time. Take the time you need to allow yourself to mourn, talk to people you trust, and allow events to unfold as they will. It doesn't mean you have to take your illness lying down, or allow it to consume you; indeed, there are many, many things you can do to battle the disorder and regain control over your life. But in the end, it will all work out better after you learn to accept what is, and put away thoughts of what cannot be.