I have been where you are....in fact I was there last month, and (crossing fingers not this time) I probably will be again soon.

You put it perfectly: I don't want to die, but this life is not a real life----it doesn't feel like it anyway. It feels like a piece of one, and I wonder what happened to my full, rich one, and where did it go... often I have a hard time accepting that my life is actually my life; it's not some short-term thing.

Just know I relate so much, and when that feeling comes up no words can sum it up. Having my bf around helps. Do you have someone you can lean on?