Quote:
Originally Posted by landskaperdan
I do landscape maintenance for a living. I own the company and unfortunately, I work alone a lot of the time. Well... my work has really suffered for the last couple of months. I would always go through spurts of really good work and really lazy work before due to hypo and depression, but since starting meds it has been a constant lazier work! no hypo = less work done while I adjusted.
But today, the properties are at a point that if I don't get back to normal, this week, then I will not be able to keep them. I have pushed it right to the limit in regards to not trimming and blowing the properties. My wife thinks I have done this out of laziness, but honestly, I needed the time away/off work to accept my dx and get used to the meds.
Now, I am nervous about getting back to the grindstone. What if I can't do it? I'm making about 34,000 a year and we are barely getting by with that. Ugh... nothing like a little pressure.
I think a lot of it was I needed time to actually mourn my dx. Sounds dumb, huh.. but I needed time to be angry and sad over it. At first, I was trying so hard to be the 'perfect' patient that it took a while for me to do that!
Oh well, sorry for the long post
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I relate to your post. I haven't worked full time in years, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to. I see ppl I know working regular jobs, and I go, "There is absolutely no way I could do that now." Not at this point anyway.
I understand completely your wanting to mourn your dx. I certainly have--I still do some. When I was dx-ed it was a shock because while I knew something was badly wrong, I did not expect Bipolar, among other things. I remember months of laying in bed at night, in total denial, "No way....this can't be right...he got it wrong, somehow. It just
can't." Maybe if you hadn't taken the time to grieve you wouldn't be at the place you are now to work again.
I wish you luck---I can imagine what you must be feeling,
