God I relate to so many of these posts. Jimrat, I'm with you on the had-high-hopes-now-it's-all-over kind of thing. When I was younger I aspired to somewhat big things (they weren't typical careers, but they sounded fun to me). But I've always been a slow-to-motivation kind of person, annnnd it doesn't help that my stamina wears out (school was a good example of that). Maybe it's the Bipolar part of me, I dunno, but I can get full speed into something for awhile, then just drop it.

I read recently where a person with mental illness (perhaps Bipolar) moved from her very busy hometown to a quiet house in the mountains out West, and she spoke of how having such little hustle-bustle brought her an immense amount of sanity and stability. I live in a small town but sometimes I crave smaller.....like living in a house up on a mountain/hill, and then driving a few minutes to get to the main part of the town, or the "strip." Anyway when I read the woman's story I thought it really applied to me. Even now, when I go to my hometown (which is not a huge city, but a pretty substantial town) the traffic is just too much, too much stimulation. Ppl who aren't as sensitive as I/we don't get how that's irritating or triggering.

I have disappointed ppl off and on for a long time. In school I was depressed so grades slipped. I disappointed my whole fam when I dropped out of college (too boring, depressed, etc.). And now that I'm learning through T I have to set boundaries and limit my interactions to ppl that drain me, (my fam) I disappoint them there as well. It's REALLY hard to remember that I'm taking care of me, and if it doesn't please others, too bad.

But I'm just as hard on myself. I've been up 3 hours and what have I done? Be on here and surf the web. Partially because I feel I need to go nap, but also because there's so much to tackle just in one room alone, it's overwhelming.

So...... I'm with all of you. It sucks.