((Tallwaters)) Behavior... behavior can be changed-- it may take a long time, and some real effort but it can be changed.

I think, it is a good thing that you have realized what you have here, however- please do not dwell feeling bad, try to find a solution (as it sounds as you have) and keep on that solution on how to make amends with in times as you have already mentioned.

It does not mean that everyone in the past will forgive you depending on all what you have done, I am sure many will with explaining and if you are in treatment now and getting better- I am sure many will, however there are always some that will not even how sorry or explaining of what happened that you do for them.

you are right, you are not a joke- none of us are- no matter what our dx's are. we all have made mistakes, some big, some small, some yet to be realized for others.

Many hugs to you and good thoughts your way for your journey