I have been waiting over 6 months to start an intensive 3 full days for 15 weeks DBT program. Orientation starts September 11th and I am scared.

Just thinking of setting the obtainable goals, has me freaking out. I have never set a goal in my life and this seems so HUGE!

I'm trying to stay positive but that damn little voice keeps telling me I am going to fail and things will never change. I know my personality and how things drop by the way side.

I know I will stick with the whole program, my concern has always been whether I will be able to continue to use the learned skills when I am done.

I have taken a few short programs in order to get into the intensive and I know what I haven't kept practicing those skills.

I hate this disorder so much! For someone that tends to bounce from one thing to another and not be able to focus. It is like a double edged sword.

People in my circle of care, "professionals" keep telling me the way I have reacted/have done things in the past doesn't mean that is how I will be now.

But I still continue to drop things and lose interest. I'm a slacker and have been for the last 30 years, that won't change over night.

I hate my life and myself.

LW