That's just it. I don't know why I feel this way now. I could understand If this had happened during other really rough times in my life..it would have made more sense. Maybe, a build up of a variety of things. I'm not sure. I thought I was handling things fine, though. I mean, is depression avoidable? Can a person do things a certain way so that they don't get snuck up on by this? I don't know what I could have done differently. I'm sure my back issues played a big role in this but that was unavoidable.

I'm trying to feel things. It just doesn't seem to work and it frustrates me.

I'm analyzing this to death. Trying to figure out why. Why me and why now. Questioning if maybe its all in my head...maybe, I'm imagining it all. Sometimes I think that. Most of the time I know that its true...I'm depressed. I know that. Still coming to terms with that.