Hi. I am a newbie and am thankful I found this site. I need some help and I hope and pray that you will offer me some help in this area. It's a long one, please bear with me on this.

I recently got my divorce after being separated from my ex-wife for about 2 years. The reason for my divorce was that I found out that she was having an affair. I felt terrible betrayal after being in the marriage for about 19 years. We have 2 wonderful boys. During the course of the separation, we had the usual arguments and child-custody battles.

I met this wonderful person about one and half years into the separation. This woman was the best thing that I have ever had in my life. She cares for me and looks after me in so many ways. In the beginning she also cared for my sons and didn't express any immediate discomfort.

During the course of our relationship, I began to see that she started to tell me how I should treat my sons and how she wanted me only in her life. Her favorite sentence was "I couldn't have the cake and eat it". I noticed that she begin to change towards the kids. When I asked her, she blames me for her change as she says I am unable to control the kids and am not spending all my time with her as I should. I am not blaming her totally for this move as having my kids with me had also affected my job.

During the early days of our relationship, she would always talk about her ex-boyrfriends and I finally had to ask her how many boyfriends had she had. She told me she had 4 and that she had intimate relationships with 2 of them. I told her that I cannot handle a relationship if she had had many intimate affairs as I am unable to cope with it mentally. I felt 2 was OK and I could deal with it. Later I found out that she had 4 intimate relationships and I accused her of lying to me. I also told her of the great sacrifices that I had made to be with her.

Now I think daily of what she has done in her past (I know her past is Her past and I should not be affected by it). I think of her boyfriends whenever we are together and this has affected me mentally and physically. I am also upset that she is not supportive of my kids (I know that she has a right to do so.). I think I am being unfair to her in this relationship as somehow I feel I am not ready and unable to handle the issues well. But I love her so much. Can I ever overcome the things that she has revealed about herself? Now I'm even thinking that perhaps she has more to hide and the very thought that she might reveal more is breaking my heart. I am also afraid that she might dissapoint me like my Ex. She had also told me that she will hide the truth from me as I am unable to handle it. She also told me that she will do her own thing while I am with my kids. She has a right and I am only afraid that I will lose her. Should we both part or should I wait for it to get worse?

I had innitially wanted to marry her but am re-thinking it now. I afraid that I will be hurt and that she too will not get the best of me. I never thought that I would go through this but now the only way seems to be to end the relationship for both our sakes. It's only that she tells me that I am being unfair to her and somehow deep inside me I agree but what do I do? I can't even go forward and at one point I realized that I was beginning to control her (This is not good at all). What do I do and what do I tell her? Help me, please. Please don't judge me. I am simply a human being that only wants to be loved and not to live in any kind of fear. She talks about her boyfriends - some bad and some good and sometimes compares me. But she has stopped talking about them now. She has also told me that she will work towards accepting my kids - but I feel that it's not of her free will.