It sounds like you're ready to discover yourself as a sexual being and it's time. That doesn't mean you should run right out and have sex (though one day, you will), just that it's time to figure out what you're interested in. I have days where I masturbate several times and watch a lot of porn. Just because most people don't talk about it openly doesn't mean they aren't doing it. It's fun and it's a risk free way to try it out a little. Give yourself a break and see where your mind takes you. Oh, and a vibrator wouldn't kill you if you don't already have one.