Up until a little while ago today had been tolerable, with just a few tears flowing now and then when sad thoughts crossed my mind. But then, somewhat out-of-the-blue, a downturn.....negative thoughts swirling. Too many years of trying to convince myself that "not too bad" and "a little bit better" were enough. And even when things were at a good enough place that I was able to say that kind of thing to myself, there was always that looming reality that at any moment the illusion could disintegrate and the "truth" would come to the forefront once again. And how sad to think that when I'm feeling okay it's not even "real". Sigh. So sad. It just can't be that things were supposed to be this way.....that suffering so much should be considered "normal"....let alone acceptable. And I do mean for any of us who feel this way. It's really not fair at all.