Hello..... and I am glad to hear that YOU are rethinking marring this woman, because from my POV if she is are having this strong of a conflict with your kids and with the right you have as their father to be in their lives and be a part of it - then she will but only get worse when she marries you.... for in her mind you will have become her property.

No one and I mean No one should have to give 100% of their time to any one person.... not even that of a spouse - we need many different kinds of people and relationships in our life to make us whole and well balanced emotionally..... She cannot give you all that you need and you cannot give her all the she needs - you both need others.

As far as the other men that have been in her bed (from her past) - you need to let it go for YES her past before she met you and your past before you met her does not count any more.... and IMO this is really not about how many men she has been with sexually before you, but rather with unresolved pain from your marriage.... pain that is now resonating fear in you with this new lady..... heal the wounds created by your ex-wife's infidelity and then your mind / heart will be better prepared to deal with any new ladies that come and go in your life.

Good Luck........... and I am sorry for the pain you having to suffer with, from the hands of another - a once loved & trusted one.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))