Feel free to post about your thoughts or memories about your childhood friends. I'll definitely read your replies.

I particularly don't need support on this topic. I just need to vent a little of my sadness. Of course, your two cents are welcome!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Last night I couldn't go to sleep for a few hours because I kept thinking about my childhood friends.

I had two very close neighborhood girlfriends when I was ages 7 to 14. Every day, I was hanging out with one of these girls or both. When I entered high school, I slowly lost contact with them.

It hurts to this day that I don't have a relationship with these ladies. I realize now it was my secrets of my abuse that prevented us from staying friends.

The last time I remember seeing both women together was in 1995. I was 23 yrs old. We all went to Casa Ole' at the mall. The other two ladies remained close friends throughout the years. I was outsider. But, it did/does not matter to me. I love these women unconditionally. I very much enjoyed our time together.

The last time I met up with the younger of the two ladies is a time when I talked a lot about the past with her. Eventually, she had to go but before she left she started crying. I felt horrible.

The last time I saw the older of two ladies is when we went to a Tori Amos concert in New Jersey in 2002. I enjoyed every minute being around her. I talked too much. She barely disclosed anything about her self. I figured it would be rude to ask her personal info, so I refrained from asking too many questions. I emailed her a few times but she eventually stopped responding.

I pretty much didn't take either ladies' behavior personally until last night. I sent birth announcements of my son to their parents (to forward to their daughters) but never received any response.

I miss them. Are they so busy that they can't email me a little "hi, how are you and the baby doing?" Do they not like me? Have I hurt them? Am I pain? a bother?

I know people change. But, I think I know these girls enough to know they'd never do anything to hurt anyone. They are wonderful people.

The last thing I heard about them is one is a counselor for HIV patients and the other a social worker combating homelessness.

I miss them.