((Gma45))

I have been in the dilemma before.. my brother when we were on good terms was one of the people that boundaries with partying, drinking, smoking pot when ever we hung out after I had cleaned up for a bit, as well as many other boundaries that were not with me partaking in drugs, but perhaps him and other things.

It is quiet hard at first, or at least it was for me-- Yes, I too a people pleaser especially with him wanting to please him, and him not be mad at me...

But it does come to a time to say-- I need to think about myself; I need to do this for me-- And they ought to think of themselves too- but I can not control their actions, only mine.

with my brother I have had two rounds with him on this category with drugs/addiction- as well as many other categories but One I upped and left due to I was trying best to get cleaned from hard drugs while he was still doing the hard drugs-- he took it as I was plotting against him in some way. And the most recent was steps with first no more money to him, second he could not come over drunk, third my suggestions of quitting the drugs and getting professional help..And yeah he has been manipulative towards me with it all, and sorry to say but I don't want to par take in his dysfunction any more. He does not like what i have to say- he continues in the life he is in, and I think by now I have made it clear for him to go get help and that is all I can do is support that idea for him.

The thing is -- people know of the effects of what drugs/drinking do to them; information is out there of this all, they may not have had DARE Classes when many went to school (I had those) but information is still out there, some of it on TV commercials as well - I will agree they may not acknowledge it (i was there once) of either the damage or that they have a problem; but all we as outsiders can do for them is to let them know that there is a problem with the addiction, that there is help out there, and that they can acquire the skills to be better for themselves.

It comes to a time to say- no more of this, when someone is jeopardizing your well being. - No I don't want to smoke pot/drink with you/party it up all night, with you, please don't come over drunk any more, -- If they can respect that- that is great-- if they can not, that is when the boundaries of setting needs to be firmer...

Setting boundaries Does NOT mean that you have to completely ignore the person in some cases, meaning that you and them can par take in their good actions and behaviors-- but if they can not respect your boundaries, that in a way is toxic behavior (or at least to me), they need help with a lot more than just their addiction.

It is hard to say what boundaries are-- I know i mention the word many times, but what are boundaries?

Boundaries to me are me saying where my fill limit is for some things- meaning, What I will and will not allow for a person to do with me, around me, how they treat me, and so forth.. I myself have had emotional boundaries as well with this subject and my brother-- I can not take on the pain any more due to he refuses to get clean... (if that makes any sense)....

I don't know if any of that helped... i seem to be a rambling person lately-- but maybe someone else has a better definition on this and/or story or explanation.

It is very hard to do for some, I at times still feel like I am being cruel to my brother, but then I remind myself of a lot of times with him on this.