good question gma45. gosh i had difficulty with understanding how to set boundarues with others too. what i learned is this...
i needed to respect, honor and love myself in order to do this effectively.
it may seem selfish at first but if i don't take care of me who will?
saying "NO" is ok. i do not have to always say yes to be a worthwhile person and be liked. in order for others to love/like me doesn't mean i have to people please. if the other person truely values me a no is accepted when we feel no is appropriate.
it is human nature for others to keep asking from us as long as we don't know how to say "no". this can lead to us having resentments toward others yet we allowed it in the first place.
as for my sobriety i allow no one to interfere. i treasure my sobriety above all things including family. my life depends on that concept for me. no one or my own actions can be first in my life. sobriety is foremost always.
my comments are only the tip of the topic of how to set healthy boundaries. here is a good article explaining further. i hope it may help
http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/healthyboundaries.htm
and also this long article by dr.messina. it's worth the read! http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html