Family relationships are a funny thing because you are born to it, and at one time beleived it to be the way life was. Now that you are conscoiusly aware of the disfunction, the situations grate on you. Also, you learned (and have been taught) to play a role of something like a peacekeeper as you try to make things better.

My solution was to move 800 km away, but, lo-and-behold, my family now lives within a 2km radious of me, so, what I ran away from has followed to vex me.

I have a mantra now that I repeat in my head when I'm with them. 'this is not my issue, nothing I do will help anyways, and say nothing". Now I sit back as an observer and although this new role confuses them, I just shrug and relax. Annoying things don't bother me much (or for long) anymore because I have disassociated myself from the scenerios.

You can't change them, but you can change how you react and what you decide will matter to you,,,,,or not. My sister has responded by adopting her friend and calling her 'sister' and inviting her to everything and excluding me. At first it hurt and bugged me but now I chuckle because it's such a stupid petty thing to do and I know I'm a great sister. Her loss, my chuckle.

Try reversing one annoying situation at a time and see if you can let some of this drop.

Good luck