Am unhappy and growing a self hate rapidly. Plus am severely unsocial and paranoid, afraid to live. I stay in the walls of my room, in my own world. I feel I can't talk to anyone, I have no friends. It seems am unable to communicate well, or other can't relate. I find myself in tears most days, morning, and alone at night. Loneliness is a big part of my depression. I am sure I have a mental disorder. Even if am clinically proven sane, am admit and want to be insane. I think of myself as a big weirdo. Happiness is tedious to find. I cry a lot saying to myself " I want to be happy". I wish I could feel that way. That's what I tell myself everyday. Also I am a underachiever. My physical appearance is rotting. Have immense self-esteem issues, which add to my low confidence, and I can be too sensitive at times. I was sexual abuse as a child and never told anyone. Each day seem worst then the last and thoughts of suicide are periodic. I don't know what to do.