i agree entirley, it is so hard to feel loved, and when you are loved, you begin to panic that the person will leave you, or hurt you the way you were hurt before. to be able to trust someone is just as hard as trying to overcome the sense of being un-lovable, insecurity about one's self is emotionally draining because it can make you feel alone all the time, and not having anyone to hold, trust, and love when you need someone is sometimes heart-breaking.

i, too, have not yet reached the stage of feeling i can be loved, when i really like someone i feel i push them away, or if i dont feel i push them away, i feel they are using me, like my abuser did, and i get very paranoid, which eventually pushes them away. trying to make the other person understand is tough too. nothing emotionally invovled with abuse (of any type) is easy to deal with, but by talking about it, and every so often being reminded of our many qualities, is the only way one can truly recover and rise above the abuse/abuser.

i wish you all the very best in your recovery.