How does a person with 'fear of abandonment issues' separate from a spouse?

I know the marriage is over.. I do not (cannot?) give him what he needs in this relationship and I KNOW I am not getting what I need. I have tried explaining but he doesn't get it at all. Rationally (ha!) I know this is over and there are times when I can think logically and say "yes, this is over, it needs to be over, I can start fresh and be happy (really?)". Yet the moment he says he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore I lose my mind and will do anything to stay in the relationship... that I know isn't working... that I think should be over.... that is done. ??????? What the heck!?!

Yesterday I was an emotional trainwreck and went to a psych appt where I was told "when you go into your "crazyhead space"" .. wow.. somehow it just seems wrong for my psych (not my usual one mind you) to say my headspace is "crazy" when that is exactly what I am thinking and feeling it is.. just seemed wrong and I decided he was making fun of me and felt incredibly unsupported.

Feeling that way makes me shut down emotionally and I go into this nothing mindset where I feel nothing and care about nothing. It's like a lightswitch that he just flipped. The world seems gray and bleak and I feel so broken on the inside.. shattered like a mirror that reflects back that ugly image of my self.

I wake up each morning ticked off that I am still here.. that someone didn't take me thru the night so I don't have to live with this hurt and pain anymore..

I am always still here..

~Sway