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roads · Aug 29, 2012, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leed

Roadie, my friend - are you a perfectionist like most of us? LOL You are only human. So what if you "failed". Is the sun going to shine tomorrow? I certainly hope so. It didn't make you drink over it, did it? No. So it seems you didn't fail yourself in my book. And living up to others' expectations ALL THE TIME is impossible! Don't we first have to TRY to live up to ours? That's a chore in itself and not always one that can be done because we are HUMAN. We have frailities. I didn't live up to mine today because I smoked a cigarette, and I'm ordered by the doctor to quit. I failed -- I fell short. I'm not angry, but I'm weak. I'll quit, but it will take time. Once again I'm addicted and this is worse than when I was drinking!

Go easy on yourself. If you must, "forgive" yourself, but let go of the anger as it does no good and it's really unnecessary as we're all human beings with faults.

God bless dear Roadie. Take care. Hugs, Lee

Thanks, Lee. Looking back now it's seems that going to the event (which I refused to do & which started all this) was such a small thing, I can't figure how I got my priorities so messed up. That's why forgiving myself is hard--I've no reason to think I've learned anything to prevent a repeat of this.

The anger seems to be draining away, losing its energy. I cry most of the time when I'm alone, and I haven't had any sleep for a long time that's not stripped of any rest by coststant dreams. Rather than anger, tonight I feel mostly empty and that's better. At least it's restful. My supervisor this evening suggested I take some time off, & I have plenty of vacation time available ... maybe that's what I need, as soon as the "big event" is accomplished.

Thank you, though. I'm trying.