What you are feeling is normal. You've kept your past hidden from everyone but now you've trusted your T enough to let her see a little bit. You don't have to open the door all the way at once. You're right that you can't go backwards but you can go slowly. Your T doesn't think YOU are horrible. She thinks what was done TO YOU was horrible. You can trust her to help you heal. I know you're scared but you're going to be all right. Try not to think TOO much about it during the next 2 weeks. This might be a good time for distraction. Remember your T is on your side. Her only goal is to help you feel better.