Don't feel bad for saying it. Sometimes we have to talk to others, let things out.

it sounds like you are very depressed. And with depression, sometimes there is no logical reason for why we feel that way, so don't worry about talking about it. I suggest you see a psychiatrist. They may put you on an antidepressant. I was put on one about a year ago, and it changed my life. Sometimes, we can't do it on our own, and we should get a little assistance. There is nothing wrong with asking for assistance. Whether you take the medicine or not of course is your own call. But hopefully u will be open to trying it? It can really make a diference. Best of luck to you!