This just happened and I feel the need to share. FooZe and Christina, if it's a little too over the top, feel free to delete. Maybe others can share things they've been through or done that are equally f***ed up. Would be nice to know I'm not alone in this...

Anyone who has followed my threads knows I was recently abandoned and that the situation was kind of unique. "He" was the first person I'd confided in in many, many years. I pushed him away and did the whole push/pull routine, but he made me trust him when all ny defenses were yelling at me to stop. I would often be in the middle of saying something and stop suddenly, audibly clenching my teeth together in the process. Well, he started imitating me, most notably when he was trying to get me to confide in my daughter about my BPD. He was standing behind me and when I did it he did it....very loudly. It was his way of saying "keep going" when I'd stop talking. Well, ever since then, whenever I do that I instantly think of him, and since he left, all the abandonment feelings accompany it.
Well, tonight, I was making love to my husband. I have a tendancy of thinking too much about completely unrelated things during it and told myself that it was time to try to practice my DBT skills and try to get fully involved in it for a change. Well....I was doing a good job and I was getting in to it.....and I clenched my teeth together in the process....hard and loud. All the DBT stuff went straight out the window and all the memories and abandonment feelings rushed in, and within a second or two I was crying like a baby. I felt so helpless and stupid. How could I let something like that to happen? Of course, my husband didn't understand why my emotions suddenly made a 180 and there was no way I could explain it. How completely messed up is that?