Psychicbaby, what you say makes SO much sense to me. I have a similar issue with seeing my T's confidence and caring as incredibly sexy, and that same sense that I will never be good enough for him (all while knowing that it doesn't really matter if I'm good enough for him because I will never GET him in that sense anyway, but caring desperately despite knowing that). You are doing a great job working through this. Valuing what he is able to give you while knowing that he cannot meet all your needs is a good and valuable thing.

I understand the shame also, both about not having people willing to meet your needs both in the past and the present. That feeling that if you were good enough or worthy, there would have been, would be people who adored you and just WANTED to meet your needs without you having to beg is incredibly familiar to me as well. You are doing great work in confronting it and addressing it.