don't know if this applies to you roadie but when i'm angry at myself it causes depression. i don't believe that what you did is anything but human. we all fall short sometimes. in AA it teaches us when we are truly wrong to make amends directly to the person if possible. if that is the case from what i've read here you are doing just that.
my sponsor once told me this...do you believe that god (HP) forgives you of your shortcomings? i said yes. she said then, what makes you greater than your higher power to not forgive yourself? in other words do i think i sit above my HP. of course i don't so that comment helped me.
we all strive for progress not perfection. none of us is perfect in any facet of life. you're snagged in the cycle of being angry with self. (punishing self) what will that accomplish and what would be the outcome of that? nothing at all, imho. just perpetual anger directed at yourself. no good will come from it. it causes one to be stagnant.
"Let go, let god (hp)." sometimes difficult to let go but we can learn from it.
hope this may help.