Hi lornalady, welcome to PC. I with Apteryx and LC on this. It sounds like your T was being very judgmental with you. It also seems odd for her to discourage couples therapy if both you and your SO are willing to do that and wanting to work on your relationship.

I don't know if I would be called a masochist, but I do have issues with sub/Dom r/s. when I brought it up with my T his reaction was accepting. He asked if my desires to submit are hurting anyone and the answer is no. I know that this stems from a desire to be cared for and my experience with s/D has been a loving one. For me it's about the security of relinquishing control to someone who isn't going to abuse that.

He was concerned that people who want to control every aspect of someone's life typically lose control with it because of where that controlling desire stems from. He had me asking myself if I really needed to be completely controlled and wanted that and I was able to see that the answer is no. He had me asking if I could participate in r/s in which only some control was relinquished and the answer was yes.

He never said I wasn't fit to be a parent. I don't see how your adult sex life anything to do with your kids. Have you ever questioned why you like engaging in this? I know the answers surprised me when I thought about it.

I hope you can find a professional T who is willing to help you with the issues you want to address.