Thank's very much for your reply Apteryx!

I'm glad you think my gut feeling is not way out of league about this. I think i wan't to search for a new T, but I am a little scared that this is what it's supposed to be, and that what I did when young is so terrible that no T wants to have anything to do with me.

About my way of being. I feel like I am a narcissist or something after this, and I get the feeling that's exactly what she thinks too. In the last (third) session she said I am tricking everyone, dressing in nice clothes, no make up etc, acting innocent, and still having the sex life I have and am the person I am. I didn't know there was a dress code for a masochist or that we should behave a certain way or that my neighbors have the right to know how I am having sex, but I still kind of agree with her in some of this, I do sometimes feel I am having a double life since I am so shy, most people think I'm way more innocent than I am. But I feel the problems is my shyness, that I am afraid of peoples reactions when I do speak my mind, not my sex life. (Apart from the fact she is very right about my lack in boundaries, I do have problems saying no and knowing where my limits are and I do have crossed them a hundred times without even realizing before now.)

I think she thinks that I really do want children, but I'm afraid of the responsibility because of that horrible thing I did when I was younger, that I have shut myself off the thoughts of being a parent, and I'm not sure, but she may have right in this as well.

This sessions was before her vacations. I had a fourth appointment after the vacation, but I felt that I just could not go, since I was pretty sure she didn't want me to come back. She has told me before that if someone don't show up without warning, she calls quit. So when I didn't show up, she sent this letter to my doctor, with a copy of it for me.

I mentioned her at the couples therapy (which is great by the way) and the guy told he know about her, and yes, that she is controversial.

Again, I'm really thankful for your reply. I'm so confused and it helps to get someone else opinion on this. There are things I feel she is very right about, and at the same time I felt so little and awful and lacking in moral.