Thank you everyone for your comments.. it really does help.

My friends too have been trying to get me to see that I would be better and happier.. and for me, yes, its the security of it all too. I know I will be ok it's just taking that first step off the ledge that scares the heck out of me and makes me not want to. But continuing to live like this is not an option either. The stress is killing me quite literally and I need to sort out my life.

Starting over just seems so hard sometimes.. too hard sometimes..

I appreciate your support