I'm not so sure if depression requires a cause. I can relate to just about all the feelings you're having, having had them at one time or another. Folks who haven't experienced true depression have a really hard time understanding how to deal with it. I'm sure your husband is not an ogre, just a victim of John Wayne syndrome that many of us males have been party to. We are not trained by society to be emotionally literate. I think a good psychiatrist could help you. If your husband doesn't want to go, maybe you can just go for yourself. I have a brother who is much like your husband. Until he had a bone crushing event and had to seek help himself, he could not relate. And he still would not go to a therapist, but he had a friend who was a psychologist and talked to her some. Regardless, it's not a moral failing, it's a disease and it can be treated. There is no shame in asking for help.