Oh Agma, I am so sorry things have become so bad for you!
I am glad that you are here and I do hope you make sure you are safe. Please, seek more help if you have thoughts of hurting yourself again. Can they offer you a good therapeutic programme or scheme where you live or another kind of support that you can access as long as you need it?
Please, be kind to yourself. I think many of us have at least thought about hurting ourselves or worse or even acted on it so don't be too hard on yourself with regard to your husband.

I send you my warmest hugs and wishes, Agma!