I agree with anilam on all three points. You should seek out another therapist. My wife has sought out therapy several different times over the years for for SA. As soon as she mentioned bdsm, the judge and jury would appear and she would walk out the door. This past year when we moved, my therapist set us both up with a new therapist in our new location. My therapist descibered her as "crazy" but very good, and thought she could help both of us. My issue is CPTSD, my wife's SA, our problem together is not being able to commuicate with each other reguarding our issues. My wife was reluctant but agreed to go. Our first session was as a couple...I will never forget it....the first words out of my wife's mouth...."If you have a problem with bdsm or bisexuals, let me just save us both the time and trouble and leave now." My jaw dropped. The therapist response, "Hell no, I think we all deserve a good spanking from time to time...it's just that most of us are afraid to admit it." That one statement gained my wife's trust and she has been able to talk to someone for the first time in 25 years about her abuse. She does not condone nor condemn my wife's coping mechanisms....but she is trying to help her change them. My point is...there are therapist out there that may not condone what you are doing, but are able to put there personal feelings aside, and not judge, to give you the help you need. You just have to find the right one.

By the way, we have 3 kids, and my wife is an awesome mom. What happens in our bedroom, stays in our bedroom. I don't see where we would ever have to explain anything to our kids. Bedroom doors have locks for a reason.