Yay!!! Another dysfunctional person to join the BPD party!!!! You're a part of something big!!

Seriously...you are describing me to a key. My number one biggest problem is with relationships and abandonment. I have always had unstable emotions and all the BPD traits, but for the last ten years or so, my traits have been at least somewhat maintained. During that period, I had no friends except my husband but I was under tenacious control most of the time. Recently, however, I allowed myself to attempt to have a friend. I went through the entire manipulative, clingy, push/pull with "him" and have since been abandoned. Needless to say, I'm completely unstable now. I cry at least once a day, get mad out of nowhere, am sad most of the time, and when things get really rough my mind goes out on it's own and starts disassociating...puts me in a state where nothing matters and I don't feel anything, but I pay for it with memory gaps. I also self-harmed when I was young and am back to that...but I don't cut. I pinch myself until I bruise, snap a rubber band against my skins until I have welts, or take my nails and rake them against my bare legs. And suicide has been considered too. I'm not an alcololic, but I have bouts where I drink entirely too much just to numb down the emotions...and that is all along, pretty much my entire life. So feel "a part" of something. If nothing else, you'll know you're not alone, and that in itself does help....a little bit.