and if I can play rough for just a tiny minute: apteryx, you got upset about not being allowed to share your T with a friend, even tho the decision was out of your hands - I see that as being similar to this situation, but instead of sharing that you also were upsEt (altho I know you might say it's the opposite situation, I think it's two sides of the SAME coin, the same need, tho i'm not sure what that need is - I admit my dumbness there?!) - anyway, you jump in and say, oh no, lorna, you should feel FINE about all this - but the fact is, she doesn't, and we could be telling her, it's okay not to feel fine about this. she said the bubble burst. she doesn't have to feel guilty, but she doesn't have to continue if it's no longer right for her.