it's about being forced to share - ie give up your claim to - the object of your affections? which I think equals survival. or feels like it.

ETA: maybe i'm being overly dramatic or symbolic. i'm most definitely not explaining myself well. I am not criticizing apt for wanting to help a friend. i'm saying it's a grand ideal that's hard to live up to. when you were not allowed to even try, even being denied the opportunity to try - maybe being denied the opportunity to prove one's self invincible? - was painful. in these cases, maybe it's scarier to be selfish and say we want exclusivity (of BF or T) - because what if we lose the contest? It's easier to be "cool" and say, oh, I don't mind sharing - oh, as long as it's under my control, as long as I know about it.

Been there, done that, and am currently STILL working on it myself, just so you don't think I am lecturing fRom on high - I do have a dog in this race