Did you grow up not getting your needs met but had to meet the needs of another family member all the time?

Yes Sannah. My childhood was full of violence and my mother was volatile and unpredictable to the extreme. I wasn't really allowed to be a child and took care of her at a very young age when I should have had her protecting and caring for me. My T has explained that this is part of the reason why I am so sensitive to the needs/emotions of others. I guess it just hasn't sunk in yet that this is the reason. I forget. Very perceptive of you.

It is healthier for each person to meet their needs but they can get help and support from others.

Some dysfunctional relationships are set up, "I'll meet your needs and you meet mine" where no one meets their own needs.

Do you think that you can meet your own needs or does something stop you?


I think I can learn to meet my own needs. I haven't known how to love and nurture myself. What has stopped me from doing that is a) not knowing how b) feeling that I don't deserve to have my needs met and c) getting, stuck in thinking like "well I do all this stuff for you and know what you need, what is wrong with me that I can't get it back?"

This afternoon has been difficult. I am seeing that I do really well on my own, but when H is around I struggle. He is really angry with me. I don't want to be angry with him anymore. I am ready to move on, but he keeps pushing my buttons. What really gets me going is the lack of consideration. He comes home and tells me what he's going to do and I have felt that I need to ask permission. I'm not going to do that anymore. The little things are driving me crazy.

Example...I was leaving to go pick up my son from school and he had our daughter in our room. I asked him to please not let her get into my stuff and get it all over the place....no response...H did you hear what I asked?...yes...ok well I am leaving and she's pulling everything out...(I put everything back)...please don't let her do that...she's playing no...(WTF?!?!)....(I relent because I don't want to be late)....well can you at least put it away if you're going to let her take it out?....no....(WTF?!?!)

I feel like exploding, but I don't want to give him the power to get me in that state. It's at these times that I miss my T so much! I miss his warmth and care and accepting love. He would never treat me this way, or anyone for that matter. I listened to his tape in the car though, I am more calm, and I think I will make it through the day without contact. I'm just going to focus on my kids and me. I don't have to fight with H.