Sorry for all the long posts, there is a lot happening right now.

Have you ever discussed with T the buttons he is pushing? I always look at this as areas to heal. I'm sorry that he isn't considerate. Do you think maybe that there is a cycle going on, he is inconsiderate, you explode, he retaliates by being inconsiderate?


There has definitely been a cycle of this in the marriage. I don't think T and I have talked about this specifically. I'm pretty confused as to what he thinks/sees with regard to the marriage either. I know he thinks that I can't see when people love me. This may be true, but I'm not sure if he means my H. He thinks my H loves me and that is he is hurt. I know my H is hurt and I feel bad about that. I'm not sure he has been loving me though.

I think he has in is own way, but I started thinking this past weekend that he may have been mentally abusing me for a long time. The r/s has been a major source of anxiety for me and he's done some pretty terrible things that he either denies ever happened or doesn't see anything wrong with. H's very critical of me and says insulting things. He feels superior to all women. I cannot heal things with him if he won't acknowledge he has hurt me so I have been emotionally done and just want to heal myself and move on with my life.

In my last session T explained that he wasn't trying to get me to work things out with H, but rather have me not make any rash decisions and try to work on the r/s I guess because we have to one due to kids.

Well tonight he said he wants a divorce too so it's over. I'm not sure how I feel. My first thought was that I hope I "got it." and by that I mean what I am supposed to learn because I don't want to have to repeat this. After that I'm not sure. I'm not panicking. I have thought of T and wish I had his perspective right now, but I'm not going to email or call because this is what I wanted.

I'm so calm and I wonder if this is the calm before a storm. I am a stay at home mom, I haven't worked in five years, and I am a full time student. I have no idea how I am going to support myself and children. I can't afford an attorney. I have backed myself into a corner with this and it's not T's job to find a way out for me. H asked me to think about what I want and how we are going to proceed over the weekend. He's going to the beach with our daughter and his family and my son is going to ex H's for the weekend.

I am going to be completely alone with this except for the dog all weekend and T has no idea what is going on. I also have no friends who aren't at least three states away and no family support either. It's just me. Alone. I think maybe this is what relief feels like.