I am honestly fed up with being BPD

I have been in such a state past week or so.

Ok some would say so it's because my mom has died but I think it goes much deeper than that.

I hadn't self harmed in ages but I sure have made up for it in the past week, My arms look terrible

I don't see my T until the 10th September and I will feel ashamed telling her what I have done even though she knows I have self harmed but I don't think she knows how bad.

I hate myself.
I hate the way I look.
I hate what I am.
I am worthless.
I am ugly.
I hate everything about me.

I HATE BEING BPD