Gosh, I can relate carmasia. I get all funny around sex. I will be in this completely vulnerable place, then I get a thought of abandonment or rejection, all the wind leaves my sails, I get freaked out and my partner picks up on it. It ruins the whole moment, puts tension on our relationship and causes me even MORE fear of rejection/ abandonment and anxiety. Then when I think about initiating intimacy again I relive the prior encounter and don't even want to go there.

It is very frustrating. You're not alone at all. We are all definitely in this together .