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*** Caution, Loneliness, might bring you down ****
I know at times I am standoffish. I want to be alone, I don't want to be messed with, and don't want much touch. Other times I am so lonely. I just want someone to relate to, someone to care, or to find someone who will reach out and let me know I'm not alone. My H and I do not get along and I am in little kid mode all day and all night with 3 kids. I just want to escape the kids, the husband and all responsibility just for a little while. Sometimes I want to be ALL alone. Other times I just want a friend. I want to smile, I want to be happy, I want to relate, I just want to lay my head down and cry, I just want a safe place to close my eyes for a moment and just let time slip by. I know that it can be difficult for my H to be that one who is all knowing. Some days I don't even know what I want. How can he know. (ofcourse if we got along better he would be the friend I need not the father he seems to think he over me) I'm just lonely and need a friend some days and today is one of those days. What I've wrote sounds like depression, it fits the PTSD I suffer from, it fits the ADD as far as not knowing what I want one min from the next. I'm not sure my meds are right. My zoloft is my friend. It saved my life and now it has controll over my life. I dare not quit taking it. But is there more I don't know about that could help or is this just a bad day and tomorrow will be better.
I've made my own bed because most of the time I want to be alone, well now I'm alone. So I've made my bed and I guess now I have to lie in it. (I just wish some one would lie with me and talk to me)
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