I am not sure how this all works. I am reading everyone's responces and it is nice to hear I am not alone even if I don't know all you. I am scared to death most days. I have gotten over the really lonely stuff but I still think about my life as a big mess. I have friends I work with and a few neighbors I can visit with but no one who I am comfortable sharing the whole truth. I guess if I do I don't know how they will react. Anyway, I know it isn't all my fault our relationship ended, he was having an affair and surprisingly enough they ended it after two years and she talked to me about the things that she felt weren't working. I can't tell you though that I don't feel responcible for some of the mess. I am not strong enough to be alone. I am strangely enough scared of loosing my kids. They will go off to college someday, but they are my only familly now. I tried just inviting a male friend of mine on an outing with my kids and I but my daughter said it creeped her out so I backed out. I guess I have a long way to go.