I don't think any of us asked for this life. If we're here, we're likely living with or recovering from a depressive disorder. Depression, in a word, sucks.

I've read this thread; I have empathy for you because I was feeling nearly the same as you as recently as a month ago (minus the shyness - but in reflection, I suppose I am/was shy - just put on the happy face to hide the depression)...What has helped me is reading many of the words of encouragement and support here. I also, after much resistance, started some individual therapy with a psychologist, and I'm also taking an antidepressant.

Two months ago I considered various ways to shuffle off of this earth...now things are improving slightly...In addition to the above, I've been reading a book called "The Depression Cure" by Stephen Ilardi, PhD.

And one final note is something that I heard in a song that resonated with me which I thought I would share: if you can't change your world, change yourself; if you can't change yourself, change your world...

And second final is that depression is a heavy burden to bear. It took me several years to realize that what I was dealing with was depression. Reluctantly, I sought treatment a few years back. It helped; then I relapsed into the abyss. I resisted help again; but grace intervened and I am on the road to healing. I do hope that you find some peace of mind.

Oh, and there's no need to thank anyone for anything...all that is here is just information. It's like "stuff" being flung at you - take what sticks, and leave the rest behind.