ive been on the low end of the spectrum for a few weeks now. its to the point where the only thing keeping me from suicide is knowing what it will do to my bf and family. i even think about murder suicide so we can all go out together, but that has its own problems.

anyway, wednesday i went to the er hoping to get some kind of immediate help, but they said i didnt qualify for inpatient treatment and recommended a place that does partial hospitalization. thats really what i wanted anyway. i hate being in the psych ward.

so finally after two days back and forth i find out they cant fit me in until 9.10! i was so hoping for some immediate help and i dont know how i can pull through for over a week. ive even sunk so low as drinking after 6 wks sobriety.

does anyone have suggestions for things i can do to bide my time, distract myself, anything. im desparate and i will try anything.