This is my first revealing post. I am almost forty-nine, and up until now I have remembered before and after the sexual assaults from my father. I did have flashbacks, many years ago, but I had gotten kind of used to the idea of not remembering the rapes (there, I said it) themselves. Several weeks ago, I started remembering. My legs began cycling in bed, to get away. I felt the panic, and saw him. For awhile, this seemed to bring some relief, but again, it seems like I keep re-living it. I am looking for a T who takes Medicare. But oh my God how I am suffering. I think the heat and my fanancial worries are pressing the wounds, but I want a better life.